Bag Head Bandits
by ajremix
Summary: Based off the color spread in chapter 162. The Bag Head Bandits do Halloween. Maybe. Rated for mild swearing.


Old, old bit for the lj comm kurosakiclinic's Picture is Worth 1000 Words (in which this is 1000 words on the dot) challenge where you build a story based on one of the chapter spreads KT has done. This is in response to chapter 162's spread where Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Chad and Renji are sprawled over some sofas with paper bags on their heads.

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Bag Head Bandits

"These have got to be the dumbest Halloween costumes I've ever seen." Ichigo said disdainfully.

Chad was already going for his headsets. As entertaining as their arguments could get, they still got old after a while.

"They WOULDN'T have been," Rukia replied just as imperiously, "if you had decided on a costume earlier."

"And had money."

"Yes, Renji. And if we had money."

Ichigo glared. "YOU had money? You mean ME. You would've spent all MY money on some stupid Halloween costume for yourself."

"It is NOT stupid!"

"It was a fucking bunny costume." Renji butted in. "It was stupid."

Rukia glared. "Like you had a better idea, so just shut up."

"My idea would've been better than stupid paper bags! This is the dumbest thing I've ever been forced to do!"

Ichigo scowled. "And considering what an idiot this guy is, he's probably got a lot to compare it with." The table then tried to pick a fight with his shins. "Ow-dammit!"

"You're going along with this, dumbass." Renji growled, his foot braced on the edge of the table. "So don't try mouthin' off at me!"

"Kurosaki-kun, Abrai-kun," Orihime chirped, "don't be so grumpy." She beamed, throwing her arms out wide. "Just think! Once Kurosaki-kun's sisters get back we can go out and get lots of candy!"

Renji snorted. "How? We don't have any money, remember?"

"We just go up to a house and say 'trick or treat' and they'll give us candy!"

He blinked. "Wait- give?"

"Yup!"

"As in willingly?"

"Yup!"

"As in free?"

"Yup!"

"As in no money?"

Rukia smirked. "I told you you'd like this holiday, fool. Now stop asking the same stupid question."

Orihime hauled a bag from the floor and onto her lap, digging through it. "And since Kuchiki-san wanted an authentic Halloween, I even brought eggs and rolls of toilet paper, too!"

Rukia and Renji leaned in. "Why would you need those?"

Ichigo started out of his seat. "No way! We are not egging OR TPing anyone's house!"

Rukia frowned. "Why not? It's traditional, isn't it?"

"We are NOT doing it!"

Puffing out a breath, Renji told him, "The more you tell her no, the more she'll want to do it. You'd think you'd know that by now, kiddo."

Ichigo bristled. "Don't call me that! And I'd rather not have to try to explain to the police why they can't get a hold of your parents when the whole block jumps us for defacing their property!"

"Oh?" Rukia chortled as she rummaged through Orihime's bag. "But aren't you supposed to be a natural troublemaker, Ichigo?"

"I am not!" He shot back. "Trouble just seems to find me."

"Of course it does. You keep telling yourself that."

"Hey, YOU found ME, remember? Not the other way around."

Rukia stopped and GLARED. "I saved your life you ungrateful brat!"

"That's not how I remember it."

A roll of double-ply toilet paper popped him in the head. "Shut up!" Pulling her bag over her head (sharply, but mindful not to tear it), Rukia whirled and stalked off.

"Man." Renji said. "You're a prick."

"Oh shut up."

"You better apologize. If you let it stew, she'll make your life a living hell."

Ichigo muttered to himself. "She already makes my life hell."

"Oh, no." The other man chuckled. "Living with her is a trial. Living with her when she's pissed at you is hell. I've got more than enough experience in both aspects."

Ichigo sighed and looked around. All three of his companions gave him pointed looks. "FINE." He said. "I'll go get her back, dammit."

After twelve minutes of arguing, eight of negotiating (in which Rukia was promised half of Ichigo's incoming loot and all of his chocolate despite Rukia saying she would not be bribed) and two of Ichigo claiming he was SORRY, dammit, and will you get over it already? the group was finally on their way for some trick or treating.

Ichigo, having only recently convinced his dad he was too old to take his sisters trick-or-treating felt like an evil hypocrite. And, to make it worse, it wasn't even his fault. All because Rukia wanted to know about human 'customs' (she didn't even care about the reasons behind it, all she cared about was 'costumes' and 'free candy') and Renji didn't have a choice when it came to Rukia pulling at his arm and scowling and saying you're coming, fool!

And when Rukia got bossy, no one could tell her no. And especially not when she told Orihime (who inevitably got excited about it and started making plans for costumes she pulled out of some deep recess in her mind- and the fact that Ichigo knew she could come up with them on her own frightened him) and having Chad smile slightly at her and saying he'd come, there was no way Ichigo could say no.

"But we are," he told them firmly, "under any circumstances, not going to egg or TP anyone's house. If I see anyone even looking like they're THINKING about it, I'm calling the whole thing off and you can find someone else's closet to sleep in for the rest of your time here."

"Yes, Daddy." Rukia and Orihime sang, bounding ahead of the group with their paper bags fluttering around their heads. Chad smirked but said nothing. Renji gave a grin and said, "Yes, Captain Kuchiki. I swear I will not have any fun while I am here."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. "You so did not just compare me to that priss of a captain of yours."

"Be any more of a wet rag tonight and I'll attack your hair with curlers in your sleep."

Rukia glared at them both. "I know you're not making fun of my brother."

Renji rolled his eyes. "You're paranoid."

Ichigo grumbled. "He started it."

"You're so fucking mature."

"Bite me, monkey boy."

"You two I swear if I have to tell you-"

Chad just sighed and went for his headsets again.


End file.
